Overcoming Anger

In class this week, we were assigned to read an amazing talk called, “Agency and Anger” by Lynn G. Robbins. In it he gives a lot of counsel regarding managing anger in our lives. He debunks the theory that anger is something we can’t control.

“A cunning part of [Satan’s] strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control.”

“We hear, ‘I lost my temper.’ Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To “lose something” implies “not meaning to,” “accidental,” “involuntary,” “not responsible”—careless perhaps but “not responsible.” “He made me mad.” This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!” (Agency and Anger, Robbins Lynn G., pg. 1)

This whole talk gives a lot of thought to the fact that we can overcome the tendency to become angry. We have to first of all, recognize that it’s a choice. I will admit that my first thought when I hear these kinds of statements is to say, well they’ve never had this child to raise. Even as I think this I know that it’s an excuse. Here’s another reason he gives in his talk:

“To those who say, ‘“But I can’t help myself,”’ author William Wilbanks responds: ‘“Nonsense.”’ “Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,” are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. ‘“We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?”’ (“The New Obscenity,” Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1988, 24). (Agency and Anger, Robbins Lynn G., pg. 2)
So we need to learn a new strategy. For anyone who has studied neuroplasticity of the brain, you will understand that finding a new strategy and changing your behavior truly is possible. Our behaviors go automatically to the path of least resistance. If you’re used to getting angry, that’s the first reaction you’ll have. If you want to change that, you have to consciously choose a new behavior to have and do it over and over again to change the plasticity in your brain to form a new habit. It’s actually pretty cool that we have this ability and it also gives a lot of hope to someone who gets angry too much and wants to change this. With the Lord’s help and practice, we can overcome anger issues. I know for me, I didn’t struggle with a temper until I had three kids. Then I felt out of control and that feeling scared me. I have had to work on my own temper and as simple as it sounds, slowing down my breathing and a lot of self talk are what help.

I’m grateful to know that the Lord wants us to overcome these weaknesses. He wants His children to treat each other with respect and kindness. When we are losing our tempers, all of that goes out the window. I know He is willing and able to help us and teach us a better way. I know He is willing to forgive us and help us start again when we mess up. Overcoming our bad habits is worth fighting for.

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