Building relationships with the in-laws

I loved what we got to read this week. One part of what we learned is ways to be more cohesive with in-laws. Here are some quotes I enjoyed:


“One partner may even naively ask the other to “stay just the way you are.” (If this were to happen, the partner making the request would someday be married to a sixty year old spouse with the maturity of a twenty year old! Not a pretty picture.) (Poduska, 2000, p. 25)
This made me laugh when I read it. Life is all about change and it drives me crazy when people try and say "that's just the way I am." We are constantly changing and growing due to challenges in our lives and events that shape us in one way or another.


“Parents who can work toward inclusion of a new son- or daughter in law and who show increased love and support have the best relationships with their married children and more influence in the lives of their grandchildren.” (Harper and Olsen, 2005, p. 330)
My in-laws are great in this way. I've always had a great relationship with them and a lot of that is due to the fact that they show love and support. I was definitely raised in a different family than my husband and there are things we've adopted in our family from each of their examples.


“Communication is key to mothers-in-law building good relationships with their daughters-in-law.” (Harper and Olsen, 2005, p. 331)
One thing my mother-in-law did early on, was take me out shopping and to lunch with just us while my husband was hunting or doing things with his dad. At first I felt awkward because I didn't know what she expected or how to react to certain things. Over time it became a really fun way of getting to know each other on a deeper level. I learned a lot of personal things about her and her about me as we talked and connected deeper.


“Offer advice only when it is sought.” (Harper and Olsen, 2005, p. 333)
This is one area that I think all parents struggle in. My parents, my husband's parents, and I'm afraid it will be hard for me as well when my kids are grown. It's just such a natural instinct to want to give advice (unsolicited) when you see them doing certain things that could cause them problems. My 18 year old missionary just returned home early (CoVid-19) and I catch myself trying to tell him things to do all the time. I laugh and admit that he's been on his own for the last 6 months and is an adult and he doesn't need me to tell him what to do. It's not easy though. I do appreciate my parent's advice (sometimes) but definitely only when I'm wanting advice.



I have 3 sons and 2 daughters, and I sure hope I can be the type of mother-in-law that follows some of these tips on how to get along and build deep relationships with whoever my kids choose to marry. Allowing my kids to cleave unto their spouses will be such a vital thing to do.