I'm in a Marriage class at BYU-I. We get the opportunity to post in a blog we've created once a week. I'll be sharing insights and thoughts I've had regarding the information I'm learning.


In our studies this week, there was so much information from experts and church leaders concerning marriage and divorce. In the community I was raised in, marriage was important. You didn't go into it lightly and you didn't get out of it lightly. I knew that it was something you fought for and clung to and in rare cases it didn't work out. I'm 40 now and times are changing. A trend I see is a lack of commitment. Maybe it's because marriage is a lot of work emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. Maybe it's become too easy to get a divorce. I think a lot of things can be factored in.


In Amato's article, The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96, he talked a lot about the effect divorce has on kids. This article caused me some sadness as I read how affected kids are when divorce happens. I have some personal experience with a sibling who has seen a fair share of heartache due to a divorce and all it's affects. Because children were involved, it's been very complicated and heart wrenching for them all. While toxic relationships are necessary to get out of or remedy, I can see why we are counseled to not enter divorce lightly and to make things work if at all possible. I know this isn't always an option but it's a very important reality that our kids need to learn as they get older.


President Kimball had this to say,"…only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” I can see that we are here. Families are falling apart. The family unit is being challenged on every front. I realize how important it is to keep teaching my kids the value of the family. Family life is complicated, but it's where we learn resilience, forgiveness and unconditional love. I want to teach my kids to go into marriage, expecting to not only get through the tough times but come out stronger, because commitment matters. Having family night (even though my teenage sons grumble) and teaching them the gospel through nightly scripture study with Come Follow Me are ways to stay connected to each other and the Lord.


President Oaks had this to say in his talk entitled Divorce: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng


A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.


For those who are struggling in their marriage, Elder Oaks once again some good advice from the same talk listed above. He said, "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache.If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."


I found these words to be inspiring. I've been married almost 20 years and can see where selfishness has crept in at times. Sometimes more than I'd like to admit. I appreciate Elder Oak's candor in saying things that we don't always want to hear but if we're honest, hold a lot of validity. It encourages me to work harder on my marriage and on myself individually.